Everything

A Look Inside Scott Lehnhoff

Okay, it’s my birthday (thank you everyone for all of the well wishes!) and so I figured that today would be a good day to post my latest Scott Says series.  I mean, he can’t get mad at me on my birthday, right?  Tee hee!

Scott MadWell, I should have known better.  An “in-depth interview” with Scott Lehnhoff was going to be a huge challenge, given his participation levels in the past.  Here, he started out strong though (probably because the questions were football-centered), but lost some steam as the interview progressed.  Some of his answers are actually really good.  And, as you will see, others, not so good.

 

M: If there was such a thing as a BFL (Baby Football League), would Landri be a defensive line candidate because of her tenacious energy and superior lower body strength?

S: Sure.  She also has intense anger when having a meltdown which could prove useful on the field if she could find a way to harness that rage.

M: With such a low center of gravity she could probably be a good running back but probably lacks the concentration to gain significant yardage.

S: She’s pretty quick for a husky girl.  She might do okay.

M: Having two babies will mean the match will be even at home: 2 adults versus 2 babies. What’s the best strategy to win that match?

S: Man to man coverage. That’s why we can’t have three because they will break the zone.

M: Name the 3 most important things NOT to do when your wife is pregnant?

S: Speak, leave a plate out, and basically do anything.

M: What are 3 of the most important things you need to do when your wife is pregnant?

S: I don’t know if anything can help.

M: What is the most dangerous thing you can say to a pregnant woman?

S: Pretty much everything.

<I guess he learned last pregnancy that telling your pregnant wife that she “looks like a bloated toad,” among other things, qualifies as a “dangerous thing” to say to a pregnant woman.  Yes, that really happened.>

M: How should you apologize if you find yourself in a bad situation with your pregnant wife?

S: Very carefully.

M: Have you ever noticed that you never really answer questions?  You’re kind of like a politician.

S: Mm.

M: What do pregnant women like?

S: Complaining.

M: What else do they like?

S: Food.

M: What sympathetic pregnancy symptoms did you experience either with Landri and/or Baby #2?

S: Neither.

M: You didn’t gain weight or anything?

S: Nope.

M: What about irritability?

S: Yes, you make me more irritable.

M: And you make me more irritable as well.  What new dad advice do you have to share?

S: I don’t know. I haven’t figured it out yet.

M: Do you really not have any new dad advice in 13 months of experience?

S: Not really, no.

M: Well, what do you wish you had known before having a baby?

S: Um, I knew everything.  <and I start LAUGHING MY HEAD OFF>  Why is that so funny?

M: But you just said you hadn’t even figured it out yet!?

S: Figured what out?

M: New dad advice!  You just said you hadn’t figured it out but then said you knew everything already.  Those two statements contradict themselves.  Are you paying attention?

S: Not really.

M: What are 3 things you should absolutely not do with a baby?

S: Ignore silence, leave the baby gate open, and forget to feed them.

M: What are 3 things you should not feed a baby?

S: I don’t know (which explains why he tried to feed Landri dried cranberries at age 4 months with no teeth).

M: What is the best defensive play when it comes to changing diapers?

S: The prevent.

M: What’s that?

S: It prevents you from getting poop on your hands.

M: So how does one “prevent?”

S: It prevents you from getting poop on your hands.

M: But what do you do to prevent getting poops on your hands?

S: Mm… I just made that up.

M: So then do you always get poop on your hands when you change diapers?

S: No.

M: So how do you not get poop on your hands?

S: Very carefully.

M: What games do toddlers like?

S: To play with everything they are not supposed to play with.

M: Like what?

S: I don’t know!

M: What is the importance of multitasking as a parent and how do you do it?

S: You do a lot of stuff at once because there’s a lot of stuff to do.

M: How do you do that?

S: You just, have your wife do it.

M: Tell me some ways to calm a newborn.

S: Give it food.

M: Any other ways? What if it just ate?

S: Pacifier.

M: What are important elements of a toddler’s daily routine?

S: You have to keep it on routine.

M: Well, what is the routine?

S: Feed and sleep.

M: Are there any other elements of the daily routine worth mentioning?

S: Nah.

M: What should all men know before having a baby?

S: That it’s exhausting.

M: Name some ways to entertain a toddler.

S: Give it a remote.

M: What’s another way?

S: Give it a phone.

M: Anything else?

S: Give it food.  Let it roam.

M: What car seat advice do you have for new dads?

S: Put your babies in them.

M: Seriously?

S: Yeah. They have to be in a car seat.

M: Knowing what you know about babies and parenting, what are you anticipating about the arrival of baby #2?

S: Complete chaos.

M: What?

S: Chaos.

Okay, so that’s the end of our deep look inside Scott Lehnhoff, the Man, the Parent, the Father.  Can we just recap my favorite part of the interview?  I think I’m gonna make T-shirts with these poetic lyrics.  Wise words from a wise man.  Fathers to be – take note!

Wise Words

5 thoughts on “A Look Inside Scott Lehnhoff

  1. That is absolutely the funniest thing and the most expected thing I have ever read. I cant tell you how hard I laughed because I can just hear him saying those exact non interested answers. Thank you Scott for letting all of the females in the world know that not one single thing has changed over the course of time with men!!! I love you guys!!!

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