As the title for this post suggests, I caution you before reading, as this entry will be Rated P (for Poop, of course). It’s pretty dirty, so beware and read at your own risk. You will not be able to un-see or un-read this.
So, today my daughter basically took a huge dump on my tailgate. Actually, she took a huge dump in her diaper, as she should have, but then things went really, really wrong. Just as a bit of background… Many places either don’t have changing tables or they are just super gross and dirty, and sometimes it’s just easier to just change her on the tailgate of my Volvo SUV. It’s a perfect height so I don’t have to bend over, and I always keep wipes and diapers on hand back there. Lately, it’s been a struggle to change little Landri’s diapers. She wants nothing to do with it!!! So as usual, she was very angry that I was trying to change her poopy diaper which today happened to be on the tailgate. In a fit of tiny human rage, Landri somehow literally PUNTED her dirty diaper, sending it flying through the air. As luck would have it, her poopy diaper landed poop-side down on my thigh. And of course, that handy dandy little diaper Velcro stuck to my pants, holding said poopy diaper poop-side down on my thigh. How remarkable! Then, in a complete and total panic, I of course try to flick the diaper off my leg, and it somehow lands on the tailgate, barely missing Landri. I saw her colossal pile of poop separate from the diaper in slow motion before going “SPLAT!!!” on the tailgate. I seriously just started laughing so hard I cried. Who knew I’d need to sterilize my tailgate today!!! Anyone want to play the game, “What did Landri eat for breakfast?”