I haven’t posted in a while and there’s a lot I need to share!

So there have been some more new firsts this past month. At the ripe age of 8 ½ months, Landri had her first real boy kiss (that wasn’t her Daddy). So, the story. One day I went to pick her up from gym daycare after yoga and all the girls were like, “OMG she kissed a boy!” She apparently just grabbed another little baby, pulled him in nice and close and open mouth attacked his mouth while growling at him! If only we had video! I keep missing opportunities to make money on YouTube at my child’s expense!

Landri also recently made her first overnight ranch trip (3 nights) which truly was a Baby Death Trap. Allow me to digress and then explain. Digression: So I feel that while I was pretty incapable of embracing the whole pregnancy experience (yes, I mostly despised it especially the first, second, and third trimesters, ha!), I have been having the opposite experience with parenthood, embracing and loving it all. Shockingly, nothing has really phased or overwhelmed me. Yeah, getting puked and pooped on is totally and completely disgusting, but nothing has truly bothered me, frustrated me, or upset me. I haven’t had a single breakdown (knock on wood). Shockingly, it’s been completely smooth sailing which from what I hear is kind of unusual. I’ve loved every minute and it’s going way too fast. However, this past month I finally discovered something I think I can safely say that I actually hate. I hate the phase we are in where Landri’s little magnifying-glasses-eyes actively seek out major choking hazards, cause her to pick them up with her deftly developing little fingers and immediately stuff said choking hazard(s) into her mouth, and then fight me (almost to the death) to not let me search and rescue said choking hazard(s). So back to the promised explanation (remember I was about to tell you about the Baby Death Trap aka the ranch house). Explanation: Not sure how many of you have ever really taken note as to the cleanliness factor of the floor anywhere really, much less a heavily worn doublewide trailer on a hunting ranch, the latter of which, no matter how “clean,” turns out to be littered with all kinds of major choking hazards such as, but not limited to, bullet casings, random torn pieces of plastic, hardened corn kernels, live scorpions (okay, that’s no different than our house), RUSTY NAILS, and goodness knows what else. Case in point. Baby Death Trap. So it’s not surprising that it was extremely stressful and un-relaxing to watch Landri while Scott hunted 6-8 hours per day in such a difficult environment. Overall the trip was a lot of fun though, as we were there with great friends and I’m very glad we went. I just won’t ever go back with a baby with little magnifying-glasses-eyes and a hankering for mouth exploration!

Also new this month, Landri had her first swimming pool experience which she seemed to like reasonably well. She has been a handful of times and most recently even went underwater about a dozen times. It always shocks her but she doesn’t cry. I am pretty impressed. I really hope she gets my fish gene.

Another first for Landri was the beach (Texas coast, Port Aransas). Some highlights include 1 – Landri getting the stomach flu (?) on our drive down (i.e. THREE diarrhea stops in a row, blowing through clothes, causing Scott to vehemently exclaim, “And that’s why they call it ‘baby $hit yellow!’”), 2 – Landri thinking that baby sunscreen = acid (i.e. she HATES sunscreen and has epic meltdowns every application which is every 60 minutes when in the sun), 3 – Landri having diarrhea in a swim diaper (I can’t even explain what a nightmare this is as swim diapers don’t have Velcro on the sides and they are more like pull-ups), and then 4 – me and Scott BOTH getting a debilitating Montezuma’s Revenge-like stomach flu and getting stuck in Port A because we couldn’t drive without needing to puke or… you know… . Anyhow, we all finally recovered a couple of days later and Landri was able to roll with the punches and bathe and sleep wherever we asked her to (pack n play at the ranch or even in the closet at the beach where we set her up to sleep, LOL!). She definitely gets her “adaptability to change” gene from her father. I have always admired that about Scott – his ability to just go with the flow and now I will get to admire that in Landri too if she keeps it up!

There are several new things Landri likes now that she’s 9 months old. Probably her first “game” to play is “Where’s Landri?” In this game, we throw a burp cloth or blanket over her head asking, “Where’s Landri?” Eventually she figures out how to pull it off, so proud and excited, smiling and we say, “There she is!” and clap. It’s really cute. And then sometimes I will put it on my head and she’ll climb all over me to yank it off my head, exposing my face. It’s really adorable. She also learned how to make tooting (aka bottom burp) sounds with her mouth a couple of weeks ago, but Scott and I just noticed that she quit doing it. According to Scott, this is because “that’s SO eight months” and “she is so much more mature now.” However, we must have jinxed ourselves because she just started up doing it again the other day! Another new love of Landri is playing with door stops that are the spring kind and go “boooinnng!!!!” She can spend a whole minute messing with those (equates to three hours in baby time)! She also likes door hinges. They are really cool to look at and a nice little crevice for her fingers to use for pulling up. However, she once got her little pointer finger pinched by a hinge. And that was a very, very bad day. And lastly, Landri likes to chew on her tongue. It’s very bizarre, but she rolls it to one side of her mouth and chews on it. This stresses me out very much and causes continual mini-heart attacks because chewing on her tongue looks the same as having a major unknown choking hazard in her mouth.

While there are things she likes, there are things Landri positively dislikes. She still is not a fan of bibs or getting her face or nose wiped. Also, as previously mentioned, sunscreen is in the evil category. Additionally, Landri does not like being tired (she morphs into a very unpleasant human) or being hungry (easy to believe if you look at her rolls which are still there!). And while we are on the topic of dislikes, there is something Scott hates and that’s his daughter wearing a bikini. To be fair, 98% of one pieces don’t have crotch snaps which make pool/beach-side diaper changes a HUGE pain. Bikini’s however, solve that issue! Also, in general, Landri isn’t a big fan of men. Especially older men. For some reason they TERRIFY her. I hope she gets over this or I won’t be able to threaten that Santa will bring her coal if she doesn’t behave! In the past you might recall that carseat straps touching Landri’s neck were one of her major complaints. Somehow, we have gotten past this and I’m so glad because with summer comes small shirts without a lot of neck fabric! Oh how we are maturing! It’s the little things.

With age also comes new skills and 9 months is no exception. We think she might be learning her name as she (usually) looks when you call her. She can clap now (so cute!) and can also wave/make circular wrist movements. Probably one of her hugest new skills is (occasionally) standing hands free for a few “one thousands!” She also says “mama” but we don’t know if it’s on accident or on purpose. We think she might be starting to learn to point with her index finger, and she has perfected the art of being a wiggle worm (i.e. we strap her down to change her diaper and she gives herself rope burn). She really is growing up. She can entertain herself for a long time with her toys and books and crawls and climb and pulls up all over the place. Speaking of pulling up. It’s kind of awesome, not going to lie. Sometimes she poops while standing up. Those of you with kids probably know that poop diapers from a standing baby are much less messy that poop diapers from a sitting baby. Picture it! Sitting poops often get squished out the back top of the diaper. This typically doesn’t happen with standing poops! So awesome! The things you notice when you spend 24/7 with a baby!

So just a quick Mommy Confession about major choking hazards… yes, the ranch was a Baby Death Trap, but apparently so is my house. It’s a miracle we haven’t had to do the Baby Heimlich on her yet. One day I noticed her moving around her mouth such that I knew she had something hiding in there. Sure enough I forced a search and rescue and to my dismay found an ENTIRE garlic clove. Seriously? Where the hell did she find THAT? Several other times I found hardened corn kernels, random plastic pieces, rocks, and sticks. Another time I actually found a rolly polly in her mouth! Gross!  Oh and the time I stopped her from snatching up a dead bumble bee and shoving that into her little trap.  But probably the worst, was the time I was cleaning up my guest room in preparation for another guest, and I saw her little fingers close around an unseen object. I intercepted her fist as it quickly went to her little mouth and peeled back her little fingers. She had an unidentified PILL in hand!!!! After World War III (me taking the pill from her tight grasp), I was able to identify it as a Zyrtek. So terrifying!

Besides the unknown and known choking hazards, Landri does seem to find herself in trouble quite often. She makes beelines for the open dishwasher and fridge, both of which she tries to climb inside. She also attacks our house plants, ripping off leaves, and tries to get into the pantry. Probably the scariest though, is her love of our stairs. She has made it to the fifth step! One of her grandmas referred to her as a baby “mountain goat” which I thought was fitting since the four year old boy next door calls her his “baby ram,” LOL! She scales the stair just like those Auodad scale rock cliffs!

There are a few surprising things about Landri. I’ve only tried once, but when I did, Landri seemed to enjoy the raw lemon I gave her. What?! I have dreamed of videotaping my baby’s lemon reaction for years. And it was SO anti-climactic! Boo! Also, we were surprised to find out that Landri didn’t seem too bothered by a cold bath when at the hunting house. And on the topic of baths, she has shockingly learned to tolerate water in her eyes during her shampoo rinse (she used to FREAK but apparently is cool with it now). I am also somewhat surprised that Landri regularly inflicts bruises on me from either pinching and/or jumping on me. And lastly, I was blown away that Landri didn’t eat sand at the beach really (just the seaweed mostly).

Sometimes I impress myself. Here I discover a great way to contain a crawler . Or the time when I purchased a hard-shelled baby pool (approx. 5 ft diameter) AND 80 pounds of ice… in a torrential rain storm … with Landri. Hard core mom talent, I know. And Scott complains if he has to walk to the end of the driveway for the newspaper with Landri. Ha!

So what does Chunkus look like now? Well, she’s still a big girl.  21 and 1/2 lbs which puts her in the 90th percentile for 9 month olds in weight.  For height, she measures 27 and 3/4 inches putting her at only the 60th percentile, while her head size is the 75th percentile. She still only has her two bottom teeth.

And just a few odd tidbits that I couldn’t figure out where they fit in this post… So Scott regularly whistles at Landri. You know, just like how he whistles at the dog. She doesn’t get it yet which to me makes it funny that he still does it. I guess one day she might get it and he’ll feed her a milk bone, ha! Scott has also been overheard saying:

“Are you the saddest baby on earth?” (whenever she cries)
“That is not a good idea,” (instead of telling her ‘no’)
“You’re like chasing a greased pig!” (after bath time lotion and trying to catch her to put on pjs)
“You’re such a little squirrel!” (random)
“She has the sense of a wild turkey. She hears you.” (if you try to tiptoe around her)
“She’s the fastest baby in the west!” (when she tries to escape us)

So I’ve been cooking on a fairly regular basis now for about 5 months. Here’s my convo with Scott regarding my current culinary skills:

M: How would you say I am doing?
S: Great.
M: That’s it? Can you see improvement?
S: Yeah, you’ve improved.
M: How so?
S: The food has gotten better. And you can actually cook something without cutting your finger.

On that note, I recently attended my first ever cooking class (which was vegan). It was so awesome. I am doing another one at the end of this month. Best money I’ve ever spent! One of these days I will post some of the recipes that I learned. I think non-vegans would like them too. My favorites were a roasted corn salad and a beet potato salad.

And everyone’s favorite section of the monthly postings… Scott Says…

M: What is your favorite thing about Landri?
S: How sweet and cute she is.
M: Well how sweet and cute is she?
S: Very sweet and cute.
M: You can’t elaborate more?
S: Nope.

M: What is Landri’s favorite thing?
S: Playing with her toys. And playing Jungle Daddy.
M: What toys does she like best?
S: A plastic Ozarka bottle and her Scout book. And her puppy.
M: Tell me about the Scout book.
S: It’s a book about a dog that goes to sleep. <pause, as I start laughing> Not put to sleep. Rest sleep.
M: I love how she laughs when we laugh.
Note: You should hear Scott mimic the puppy’s voice when he quotes the book, it’s hilarious.

M: What does Landri hate most?
S: Being restrained.
M: Being restrained from what?
S: Well, she’s always on the move. When you restrain her she gets mad. When you try to change her clothes she gets mad. Diaper. Mad.
M: Very true.

M: What is most surprising about Landri?
S: How she picks up new things every day.
M: Like what?
S: Like clapping, waving, and climbing up stairs!

M: Speaking of..what is Landri’s newest skill?
S: Clapping, waving, and climbing up stairs! And mimicking laughs.

M: What is Landri’s BEST skill to date?
S: Probably clapping.
M: Why is that the best?
S: She doesn’t really have anything else down.
M: Well what about sitting up, crawling, any of those skills?
S: Yeah those are best too.

M: What is the best part of being a parent?
S: Landri is the best part of being a parent.
M: Awe!

M: What is the worst part of parenthood?
S: Not being able to hunt and fish whenever I want.
M: But isn’t she worth it?
S: Yeah.
M: Convincing. Just kidding! 😉

M: What is Landri’s most unique/interesting feature?
S: Her cackle laugh!

M: What is your biggest fear either as a parent or for Landri?
S: Stop asking me questions.

M: What you have learned since becoming a parent?
S: Patience.
M: I love how you recycle your answers every month.
S: I love how you recycle your questions every month.
M: Touché.
S: Touché indeed.
M: Well, what questions would you like to answer?
S: Truthfully? None.
M: That’s not an option. You have to come up with something.
S: I realize that.
M: So what question would you like to answer?
S: None.
M: Any final words for this post?
S: No.
M: Come on, final thoughts.
S: I hate this blog!!! UGGGGHH!!!